After the resit and tanglung festival

I may not good in my result compared to others ..I was used to be so want to had success in my life and forgot about the help of God in my life in the past .... I used to do thing with myown strength and ability.... I also used to be so childish purposely or not purposely.. The joy in my heart had been lost and dun know how to go back to fountain of joy.... UNTIL one day , I had failed in my final exam wat a suffer I had ... I keep said to God why this and why that .. totally din realise wat I had done wrong in the past ..... For the preparation for my resit, again I go back to God's side. On that time, I suddenly realised that my heart had unexplainable peace and joy in my heart. I really understand this time that I had done so many mistake towards God who am I to Him but He poured His love towards me like never ending .... On the day the result release, I was so happy not because I had passed the exam..It was the thing I had learned to rely on Him more and more .... I start listening to God's voice and eye of my heart had been opened again... This time I really dun know wat to say ... it is speechless for me... My cell group leader had told me that when we start honour God , God will honour us back... We are like person who lost way and dun know how good we are in the presence of God... We used to take God's grace for granted ... We usually think God must give me this and give me that ....Will we faithful to God again when all blessing and grace taken away..Just like Job when all his belonging , blessing was taken away by God ..In the book of Job..... This wat I had learn from this test.. I had nothing but the glory and the praise I had let all those glory and praise give to our Lord Jesus Christ

I actually in shock when I arrived at the KLIA and knew my grandfather had passed away three months ago... I was start crying and blaming myself actually... If I pass my final then I can come back and see him for the last time... At that time I really collapse... I think I am useless who am I the eldest grandson also cannot do anything for me... however I think why should I sad ... I should rejoice cause my grandfather had leave the world and went to heaven where the place full of peace , joy and free of any disease. This time the mid autumn festival was unique for me.... I flashed back how my grandfather bought me the tanglung and mooncake when I was child .... Help me to buy my favourate tanglung the doraemon and ultraman one ..... The story that my grandfather told me...... Now I only realise that said by the chinese 当你要孝敬一位长辈已不在.... My heart was pin by needle.... However I will grow stronger and better person that wat my grandfather want... not matter how hard the way in my future, I believe I can go through with God...........

原来我才发现我真的暗恋一位girl

The leaving

Now every one left one by one every day send people away... that no choice the decision I had made to take my exam here.. who ask me how foolish I am near the exam still want to plan people birthday.... that the foolishness I am ... at the final cannot pass when people use time to study I used the time to do cake... How suffer from wat I had done stupid ma ... no choice lo..... How in the situation of do or die again every time I also need to be in it .... HIAZE

The leaving

I dun very time I sent people away I had the pain in my heart ... I thought I used to it but today as I sent nicole and wan yuan away until airport .... My heart fail the sadness and pain like very strong.. as they went by stuff with kelvin ... I read the notes I made but my heart become very sad and i almost drop my tears fro the 1st time ba.... Nothing I can do just sent the best wishes for them

Hiaze

I try to be my best in preparing the resit of my exam... I know that I had let my parents disappoint in the final... I try my best to do it... however every time I had conversation with them always talk about the CPP.. I had bored of it... I try to prepare it adi....

I really so tired in doing the preparation... I really stress up adi... I WAS VERY TIRED .... DUN KNOW HOW TO DO ADI....

Some thing I gain when....

I had failed my one of my subject in the final exam... on that time I was very sad , angry and emo.... It like I had lost all the world I dun know what to do and how to do it.... there is the fear in my heart that continue until I go to trip.....

I knew a person who is a good christian.... lots of talking done by that person was very good and that person was the 1st who have the courage to correct the weakness I had all this time ..... He/ she was the good christian and good friend too...

In one of the conversation between me and the person, I really realize the mistake and weakness I had done... the 1st love that I had towards God and Jesus was been found back... the passion I had for Christ was found back too

In this whole year, most of the time I plan to do thing with my own strength.... I was very proud of myself try to do most stuff with me... I talked to God and get response that I will never fail if I rely on His strength ... who am I that He die for me .... I had been in so many difficulties where I cannot see the way out but Jesus had lead me the way and helped so much....

In bible words had said a person who follow Jesus's way never easy cause our own flesh and devil give us temptation .... however all of the temptation was given to see how strong our faith towards God..... In my weakness I like to say I am strong because I am strong due the strength of the Lord had given me .... In this moment ...I finally realize the strength I had from Jesus who is my comforter and my strength when I am weak and I am in sad.... Thanks Jesus wat a true and lovely I had found ....

The fail in exam

What can I do after knowing that I had failed my final... The stupid person I am.. VERY STUPID...Not matter how hard I had tried or how many effort I had put into but wat I got for my result nothing is NOTHING JUST A FAIL AND FAIL.. RESIT AND RESIT ...I dun have face to go back to face my parent.... they had waste lots of their money for me sent me studied in U.K.. wat result I had get ... Is a fail... Seriously speaking... I dun even want to enjoy the trip that I had one now.... wat for I need to enjoy ... in my mind now was CPP...CPP...CPP....CPP....CPP

The person think he/ she is very good

So wat can I do when a girl said that she appreciate wat you had done .. It is worth .. I know I am stupid not even get a pass in my final.... Go ask la who will sacrifice the time they needed to do some thing for a person especially the birthday falled before exam... Lots of people asked me to just buy a cake and not bake a cake ... but I choose to follow myself cause I believe I was able to do it ... but u said u apprecaite wat the fuck okok..... During final sem exam , my birthday failed on it but no people celebrate abd even wish me ... i ok with it.. I do it cause I dun want you to be fill like me when exam feel lonely especially the birthday failed on it.... Think wisely.....

The shame go to some of our batchmates even the junior know how to care for their senior. Among senior who close not even care for each other love to take advantage of each other and lie to each other ... pls dun do this ..... U think u are then u are lol...

The prom nigth

It is the prom that I will attended .. I was tired but I cannot sleep cause the result will be released soon and my adrenaline was too high and I just cun sleep .. It was fantansic night and a good night .. I was very happy of it but thanks ya guy.... It will be last time we all together have fun after the trip.... later we graduate u all will not hear from me again ... I just that I want to forget something and some people... It was the most painful and suffer semester that I had gone through ever in my life....

I loved nicole .... I want her to be my girl friend.. I tried so hard but in the end wat I get is from a bset friend become a stranger... I dun know wat I had done or de zhui of nicole bbut every time I msn her I just dun get the reply back and I was always fu yan by her.... I really dun know why seriously I was very sad and hurted by her ... I was so angry until today I really dun for give I was badlly hurt compared to 1st time I dated... why.... I wanted to forget everything and I really appreciate the friendship but wat to do ... some thing happened adi cannot be turned back actually I planned to have a final trip with her and her housemate but I think the plan can be forgetted ba.. the real reason I created the 2nd account of facebook bacause I dun want see the picture in the 1st account of my facebook.... I REALLY WANT TO FORGET EVRY THING HAPPEN

Dun know why suddenly that I have so many things to write.... I dun know that why I like to write the blog... I think a person worth I to be forget I try and dun think so much when a girl said she appreciate all you had done it is a lie IT IS A LIE I dun believe it again

The person that I used to love had be come a person I used to hate before that ... Lucky one sister in Christ had reminded me that Forget is not equal to forgive where I usually try too.. Do it.. We used to be a clost friend and housemate before coming to U.K. I even try to want her become my girl friend but now not even talk to each other.. One at my friend birthday surprise, I had known that she was weird that she even wanted to walked outside when she actually can passed through me house that weird but anyway what can I do....

I knew that I not a person she liked but I not to say or want to talk bad about u... but one thing I really want to pass out the message is that when we cannot become friend it is ok but one thing I dun like is the lies that you had said out.. U personally said to me that U not close to some people and dun like them suddenly like now u very close to them that weird for me but I dun know wat u think .... The other thing I wanted to say out that I knew that I not a very good guy or person that speak out very frankly and the word I said out might hurt u or other people ... However I knew I was wrong some time but at least k I frankly said out... I cannot said that I just dun like them little wat mean by that little... when I said yes mean yes totally not partially or little la...

I knew u are girl who know how to care and love other people but when used it wisely dun often said the important decision left unsaid but let a person know ... If care a person ask person directly there is no point of ask other cause other dun know and other might simply said anything I had nothing to said but just that I hope we can be closed friend as before we come to UK

The cry in my heart

I never pray like this before .. I cried when I prayed ... The anger that I had, the loneliness that I faced, the grave that I had I really dun know how to do... I pray to Lord...

The anger that I had to a girl named which I in loved before.. I had done lots for her .. she kept that she appreciated that all that I had done but her action showed another way else... I knew that I not suitable to her .. I try my best to change myself for her... I tried to get off my bad habit and I purposely shown my bad side for her ... Other people think that I was happy when they all talked about her but i actually not happy at all

I fell loneliness every time that I talked to people.... they not replied and they do not layan me

The grave that I faced is due to my grandfather situation i dun know how i do I REALLY DUN KNOW HOW TO DO IT..... I want to talk to some people but scare they not layan people .. people used to care for me now dun even layan me adi.... I dun know how

I believe God will guide me through every moment and every situation I faced

poeple had decide to be good and bad sometimes but this time I had decided to be bad side I think that not need the point of being good anymore...

Christian with mask

Lots of christian carry the mask every day... I do not want to say and judge anyone but i realise the person who beside me called themselve as christian but always put on the "mask" on their face everyday ... I had not thing to say but just give them the song named poker face for them.... I might not a good in my behaviour compared to other but i try to tear off the mask if have if possible....

wat i do it for

Why i do keen to do something since the person might not reponse to anything i do... I feel tired and alone every time.... why i still want to do it and think about it?

This called friend

Someone turned to me and asked
"How many friends have you?"
Why 10 or 20 friends I believe
And began to named a few...

A blessed one you are
To have so many friends
But think of what you're saying...
A friend is just not someone
To whom you say "Hello"

A friend is a tender shoulder
On which to softly cry
A well to pour your troubles down
And raise your spirits high

A friend is a hand to pull you up
From darkness and despair...
When all your other "so called" friends
Have helped to put you there

A true friend is an ally
Who can't be moved or bought
A voice to keep your name alive
When others have forgot

But most of all a friend has a true heart
For from the hearts of friends
There comes the greatest love of all!

So think about all this
For every word is true
And once again answer please...
How many friends have you?

After much thought I answered
I really only have just one
"It's You!"

A Friend Is Always Special
Because Friends Love You
Just Because You're You!

If you are none above , pls k? I not judge u just that u dun know how to appreciate the friendship know how to sing peng you dun know the meaning better dun say it out

Other people ask u who are u better dun say u are christian cause u just let the name of christ be let down....

I HAD DETERMINED THAT I NEVER HAD THIS FRIEND IN MY LIFE BEFORE

Tell me u busy with something but have time go facebook...... play games some more ... If dun want see then dun see that ur problem ... GO TO HELL LA ..... People want to chat with u but u say busy.... GO HAVE FUN WITH UR FRIENDS .... IF GOT PROBLEM DUN COME FIND ME.... FUCK OFF K.........

Hiaze..... People happy wat for i sad.... people ignore u why need care for him/her... people happy with his/her situation now.... why I need to sad for.... people used to be ur best friends now and ignore me so why i need to appreciate this friendship.... people ask ur help in trouble and left u behind when they are in happy... why i need to care ... The reason i care cause i just take this friendship seriously... If u like that ... wat i can do....NOthing Nothing......