The emo.......

Lots of people see the changes from a person who i think quiet happy or kai lang to an emo person.. I had lots of problem since i entered the uni and before enter uni....

The headache that i had is getting worst ever year... the pain is not what i can tahan one.... the pain is like the needle that put into the head and pull it out.... It cannot be taken away just by taking medication.... The pain i can cover it up and dun let other know but the feeling towards the pain i cannot cover it up

The second thing that i always worry is about my grandfather... The person who love me the most since i was young.. everything always think about me.. Since he got stoke and cancer, i never worry how long my grandfather will live.. I hope he can continue survive each days and year ... My heart always think about him even i in uk or in holiday... The things that i always remind in heart....

I know these are not the excuse that i cannot use to say i am emo or other .... But this is the true fact that i faced in my life....

The changes .....

Now days lots of things had changed. I dun know is that i had change or people around me had changed... I dun know why that every people that i knew had changed attitude towards me ....

The friends that i know also change towards me.. I always hope that i think to much ... but in the reality is not true.... i hope .... the girl that i know from sem 1 until now....The friendship that we had changed a lots since come to uk..... From a close friend change to friend .... may be one day change to stranger to.... This may because lots people know the feeling that i had to her and the attitude ..... the thing had in berlin..... everything had change..... I dun know how ... Just let it go and pretend nothing happen.... haize..... Dun know how......

The last trip i had.....

This last trip that i had with my friends who i meet since the 1st sem in imu.... Some even at taylors adi meet... In the group have one that i love too....

The 1st meet was the deepest memory in my heart... The smile and the laugh that we had.... the all things we had done...

One person that i loved in had changed ( the friendship)... One day the truth and dare... Some Qs had remind me.... One of my friends ask if the love i had on her had become one of her burden, wat should i do.... I thought twice before i answer it... It is true then wat should i do.... Leave the love that i had towards her or continue it.... It is the hardest decision that i ever made in my life.... One i can sure is that not rebut with other people GF or BF.... The last question that i had is that the virgin of a girl.... I easily answer it .... Cause according to bible .. the body is paid by the heaviest price by Jesus Christ... Not rebut with other's boyfriend and girl friend is the last of the 10 comments.

The love towards the person i love is based on the 2nd Corinthians 12 the love that Jesus taught.. All of them i still learn ...... Hope one day can give her the love that i give towards God.... but God is priority in my life.. She is third after the serving towards God....

The problem i have

Since long time i already not blog adi... i decide to blog to day cause i want to write down all my problem. I actually I still love a girl. I thought that i can let down the feeling i had towards her but i cannot. I had lied to myself. That wat i can do every day. I had rejected by her before. I had loved her before but that time she had a boyfriend. That wat i had said to myself never take away people girl friend. I had confess to her before but rejected. But should i say to her again or just wait for her.... I scare will be rejected again ...

I know that i not suited that criteria of boy friends that she want... I am an emo person... Dun know how to manage my emotion. I not smart, handsome and thin too.... I dun dare to promise anything to her but only one thing i dare to promise to her is i love her with all my heart. soul and mind. Even i had 1 bowl of rice, i rather to give her to eat. Even I only have ten pence in my pocket and i am willing to give her too....

I just know that i love her.... the main reason her smile that make me forgot lots of problem i had... The kindness she had to other people.... I hope she will see this post and give me some response .....

birthday

Last Sunday was my birthday which is the day before doing presentation. In the morning around 10:45a.m went to pavillon . I thought that i could go to eat rakuzen but the person in charge said that buffet need min 2 person... Haize really disappointed..... Then went to eat sakai sushi with nicole liew and chooi chooi. Not the food too but little expensive.... Then i waited for chris chiam , eugene and cathrine cause they came to eat the pepper lunch... at night , we all went to eat sushi zamia...

Luckily before coming back , i managed to bought four piece of cake to eat before my birthday passed. At LRT station , chris, eugene and cathrine shouted happy birthday to me and made me malu. Lucky only a few people on the station. At 1st eugene wanted to throw me in pool but i dun want. When reach home , I saw sze ying and nicole busy with their presentation.Therefore i did not want to kacau them , i brought the cake into my room. I sang birthday song to myself and blow the candle .. Then nicole knocked my door and gave me a plastic bag which contained a white T-shirt. Luckily the size suit me. The present i asked them to give me . Tebal muka la i ..... Thanks for the present and tricks u all do on me......

MUET RESULT

even muet result had came out on 11/1/2010, wat a shock for me . All my friends got band four except me . How ... it ... happen.......... I really put lots of hard work for it .. Went for tuition and bought muet book for exercise.... My Hope to U.K may destroyed like that ......I may go but the chances only happen if mirical happen..
Even it happen almost two weeks, i think that i can put it down. Actually i cun .......why !!!!!!!!!!!!!
i try my best but the result i get is not wat i deserve for.... Until today i still sad about it ... Angry for myself... cannot forgive myelf ..... even my parent scolded on me , i think i deserve it and more angry from them... Keep asking why i had do wrong.....
IN order to prevent myself ffrom thinking it , i try to keep my life busy with anything .....WHY!!!!!!! This incident can happen ? ?
I think i am the most stupid preson in the world ...... NO people can compare to me .... I am no.1 perso who dumd , stupid , useless and hardworkfor nothing ..... I also is the most bad luck person in the world ... THE MOST STUPID, DUMD and BAD LUCK PERSON IN THIS WORLD... WHY I WAS BORN IN THIS WORLD ??????? this in my mind since that day........

Why difficult in loving a person

Recently i fall in love of a girl in my batch. She is a good girl that help me a lot in my life . I still remember the 1st time that we meet in steamboat dinner that invited by christ or nicole liew.

I know that she is a good girl that i hardly to imagine that i still can find a girl like her in the world . She is good enough that help all people in her life . People who read thisblog may say that i am bluffing and not try to win her heart . I dun care because i really love her .

She is a good girl that i can see . She seldom remember what peopel had done to her . Her smile that make people fond of her . Her kindness that help lots of people. She can give courage to person that feel down. People who read thisblog may say that i am bluffing and not try to win her heart . I dun care because i really love her .

Since she know that i love her , i feel that my relationship with her is like a wall between our relationship ( i mean friendship). I fell gang ka when every time that i meet her . I really hope that i can try to break the wall between us to let us like before. Even we cannot become couple i just hope we can become friend like before . I really do not hope that i try to get a girlfriend that causes me to lost a friend in my life. It is not worth at all.

I just hope that she can see this post and give me an answer . I do not hope she do not so fast give me the answer but at least tell me when and how. I do not expect much because i not a good guy who do not hope so much . If she willing become my girlfriend, it will be one of my blessing in my life .