After the resit and tanglung festival

I may not good in my result compared to others ..I was used to be so want to had success in my life and forgot about the help of God in my life in the past .... I used to do thing with myown strength and ability.... I also used to be so childish purposely or not purposely.. The joy in my heart had been lost and dun know how to go back to fountain of joy.... UNTIL one day , I had failed in my final exam wat a suffer I had ... I keep said to God why this and why that .. totally din realise wat I had done wrong in the past ..... For the preparation for my resit, again I go back to God's side. On that time, I suddenly realised that my heart had unexplainable peace and joy in my heart. I really understand this time that I had done so many mistake towards God who am I to Him but He poured His love towards me like never ending .... On the day the result release, I was so happy not because I had passed the exam..It was the thing I had learned to rely on Him more and more .... I start listening to God's voice and eye of my heart had been opened again... This time I really dun know wat to say ... it is speechless for me... My cell group leader had told me that when we start honour God , God will honour us back... We are like person who lost way and dun know how good we are in the presence of God... We used to take God's grace for granted ... We usually think God must give me this and give me that ....Will we faithful to God again when all blessing and grace taken away..Just like Job when all his belonging , blessing was taken away by God ..In the book of Job..... This wat I had learn from this test.. I had nothing but the glory and the praise I had let all those glory and praise give to our Lord Jesus Christ

I actually in shock when I arrived at the KLIA and knew my grandfather had passed away three months ago... I was start crying and blaming myself actually... If I pass my final then I can come back and see him for the last time... At that time I really collapse... I think I am useless who am I the eldest grandson also cannot do anything for me... however I think why should I sad ... I should rejoice cause my grandfather had leave the world and went to heaven where the place full of peace , joy and free of any disease. This time the mid autumn festival was unique for me.... I flashed back how my grandfather bought me the tanglung and mooncake when I was child .... Help me to buy my favourate tanglung the doraemon and ultraman one ..... The story that my grandfather told me...... Now I only realise that said by the chinese 当你要孝敬一位长辈已不在.... My heart was pin by needle.... However I will grow stronger and better person that wat my grandfather want... not matter how hard the way in my future, I believe I can go through with God...........

原来我才发现我真的暗恋一位girl

The leaving

Now every one left one by one every day send people away... that no choice the decision I had made to take my exam here.. who ask me how foolish I am near the exam still want to plan people birthday.... that the foolishness I am ... at the final cannot pass when people use time to study I used the time to do cake... How suffer from wat I had done stupid ma ... no choice lo..... How in the situation of do or die again every time I also need to be in it .... HIAZE

The leaving

I dun very time I sent people away I had the pain in my heart ... I thought I used to it but today as I sent nicole and wan yuan away until airport .... My heart fail the sadness and pain like very strong.. as they went by stuff with kelvin ... I read the notes I made but my heart become very sad and i almost drop my tears fro the 1st time ba.... Nothing I can do just sent the best wishes for them

Hiaze

I try to be my best in preparing the resit of my exam... I know that I had let my parents disappoint in the final... I try my best to do it... however every time I had conversation with them always talk about the CPP.. I had bored of it... I try to prepare it adi....

I really so tired in doing the preparation... I really stress up adi... I WAS VERY TIRED .... DUN KNOW HOW TO DO ADI....

Some thing I gain when....

I had failed my one of my subject in the final exam... on that time I was very sad , angry and emo.... It like I had lost all the world I dun know what to do and how to do it.... there is the fear in my heart that continue until I go to trip.....

I knew a person who is a good christian.... lots of talking done by that person was very good and that person was the 1st who have the courage to correct the weakness I had all this time ..... He/ she was the good christian and good friend too...

In one of the conversation between me and the person, I really realize the mistake and weakness I had done... the 1st love that I had towards God and Jesus was been found back... the passion I had for Christ was found back too

In this whole year, most of the time I plan to do thing with my own strength.... I was very proud of myself try to do most stuff with me... I talked to God and get response that I will never fail if I rely on His strength ... who am I that He die for me .... I had been in so many difficulties where I cannot see the way out but Jesus had lead me the way and helped so much....

In bible words had said a person who follow Jesus's way never easy cause our own flesh and devil give us temptation .... however all of the temptation was given to see how strong our faith towards God..... In my weakness I like to say I am strong because I am strong due the strength of the Lord had given me .... In this moment ...I finally realize the strength I had from Jesus who is my comforter and my strength when I am weak and I am in sad.... Thanks Jesus wat a true and lovely I had found ....

The fail in exam

What can I do after knowing that I had failed my final... The stupid person I am.. VERY STUPID...Not matter how hard I had tried or how many effort I had put into but wat I got for my result nothing is NOTHING JUST A FAIL AND FAIL.. RESIT AND RESIT ...I dun have face to go back to face my parent.... they had waste lots of their money for me sent me studied in U.K.. wat result I had get ... Is a fail... Seriously speaking... I dun even want to enjoy the trip that I had one now.... wat for I need to enjoy ... in my mind now was CPP...CPP...CPP....CPP....CPP

The person think he/ she is very good

So wat can I do when a girl said that she appreciate wat you had done .. It is worth .. I know I am stupid not even get a pass in my final.... Go ask la who will sacrifice the time they needed to do some thing for a person especially the birthday falled before exam... Lots of people asked me to just buy a cake and not bake a cake ... but I choose to follow myself cause I believe I was able to do it ... but u said u apprecaite wat the fuck okok..... During final sem exam , my birthday failed on it but no people celebrate abd even wish me ... i ok with it.. I do it cause I dun want you to be fill like me when exam feel lonely especially the birthday failed on it.... Think wisely.....

The shame go to some of our batchmates even the junior know how to care for their senior. Among senior who close not even care for each other love to take advantage of each other and lie to each other ... pls dun do this ..... U think u are then u are lol...

The prom nigth

It is the prom that I will attended .. I was tired but I cannot sleep cause the result will be released soon and my adrenaline was too high and I just cun sleep .. It was fantansic night and a good night .. I was very happy of it but thanks ya guy.... It will be last time we all together have fun after the trip.... later we graduate u all will not hear from me again ... I just that I want to forget something and some people... It was the most painful and suffer semester that I had gone through ever in my life....

I loved nicole .... I want her to be my girl friend.. I tried so hard but in the end wat I get is from a bset friend become a stranger... I dun know wat I had done or de zhui of nicole bbut every time I msn her I just dun get the reply back and I was always fu yan by her.... I really dun know why seriously I was very sad and hurted by her ... I was so angry until today I really dun for give I was badlly hurt compared to 1st time I dated... why.... I wanted to forget everything and I really appreciate the friendship but wat to do ... some thing happened adi cannot be turned back actually I planned to have a final trip with her and her housemate but I think the plan can be forgetted ba.. the real reason I created the 2nd account of facebook bacause I dun want see the picture in the 1st account of my facebook.... I REALLY WANT TO FORGET EVRY THING HAPPEN

Dun know why suddenly that I have so many things to write.... I dun know that why I like to write the blog... I think a person worth I to be forget I try and dun think so much when a girl said she appreciate all you had done it is a lie IT IS A LIE I dun believe it again

The person that I used to love had be come a person I used to hate before that ... Lucky one sister in Christ had reminded me that Forget is not equal to forgive where I usually try too.. Do it.. We used to be a clost friend and housemate before coming to U.K. I even try to want her become my girl friend but now not even talk to each other.. One at my friend birthday surprise, I had known that she was weird that she even wanted to walked outside when she actually can passed through me house that weird but anyway what can I do....

I knew that I not a person she liked but I not to say or want to talk bad about u... but one thing I really want to pass out the message is that when we cannot become friend it is ok but one thing I dun like is the lies that you had said out.. U personally said to me that U not close to some people and dun like them suddenly like now u very close to them that weird for me but I dun know wat u think .... The other thing I wanted to say out that I knew that I not a very good guy or person that speak out very frankly and the word I said out might hurt u or other people ... However I knew I was wrong some time but at least k I frankly said out... I cannot said that I just dun like them little wat mean by that little... when I said yes mean yes totally not partially or little la...

I knew u are girl who know how to care and love other people but when used it wisely dun often said the important decision left unsaid but let a person know ... If care a person ask person directly there is no point of ask other cause other dun know and other might simply said anything I had nothing to said but just that I hope we can be closed friend as before we come to UK

The cry in my heart

I never pray like this before .. I cried when I prayed ... The anger that I had, the loneliness that I faced, the grave that I had I really dun know how to do... I pray to Lord...

The anger that I had to a girl named which I in loved before.. I had done lots for her .. she kept that she appreciated that all that I had done but her action showed another way else... I knew that I not suitable to her .. I try my best to change myself for her... I tried to get off my bad habit and I purposely shown my bad side for her ... Other people think that I was happy when they all talked about her but i actually not happy at all

I fell loneliness every time that I talked to people.... they not replied and they do not layan me

The grave that I faced is due to my grandfather situation i dun know how i do I REALLY DUN KNOW HOW TO DO IT..... I want to talk to some people but scare they not layan people .. people used to care for me now dun even layan me adi.... I dun know how

I believe God will guide me through every moment and every situation I faced

poeple had decide to be good and bad sometimes but this time I had decided to be bad side I think that not need the point of being good anymore...

Christian with mask

Lots of christian carry the mask every day... I do not want to say and judge anyone but i realise the person who beside me called themselve as christian but always put on the "mask" on their face everyday ... I had not thing to say but just give them the song named poker face for them.... I might not a good in my behaviour compared to other but i try to tear off the mask if have if possible....

wat i do it for

Why i do keen to do something since the person might not reponse to anything i do... I feel tired and alone every time.... why i still want to do it and think about it?

This called friend

Someone turned to me and asked
"How many friends have you?"
Why 10 or 20 friends I believe
And began to named a few...

A blessed one you are
To have so many friends
But think of what you're saying...
A friend is just not someone
To whom you say "Hello"

A friend is a tender shoulder
On which to softly cry
A well to pour your troubles down
And raise your spirits high

A friend is a hand to pull you up
From darkness and despair...
When all your other "so called" friends
Have helped to put you there

A true friend is an ally
Who can't be moved or bought
A voice to keep your name alive
When others have forgot

But most of all a friend has a true heart
For from the hearts of friends
There comes the greatest love of all!

So think about all this
For every word is true
And once again answer please...
How many friends have you?

After much thought I answered
I really only have just one
"It's You!"

A Friend Is Always Special
Because Friends Love You
Just Because You're You!

If you are none above , pls k? I not judge u just that u dun know how to appreciate the friendship know how to sing peng you dun know the meaning better dun say it out

Other people ask u who are u better dun say u are christian cause u just let the name of christ be let down....

I HAD DETERMINED THAT I NEVER HAD THIS FRIEND IN MY LIFE BEFORE

Tell me u busy with something but have time go facebook...... play games some more ... If dun want see then dun see that ur problem ... GO TO HELL LA ..... People want to chat with u but u say busy.... GO HAVE FUN WITH UR FRIENDS .... IF GOT PROBLEM DUN COME FIND ME.... FUCK OFF K.........

Hiaze..... People happy wat for i sad.... people ignore u why need care for him/her... people happy with his/her situation now.... why I need to sad for.... people used to be ur best friends now and ignore me so why i need to appreciate this friendship.... people ask ur help in trouble and left u behind when they are in happy... why i need to care ... The reason i care cause i just take this friendship seriously... If u like that ... wat i can do....NOthing Nothing......

REALLY NEED TO TREAT PEOPLE LIKE THAT PEOPLE CARE AND ASK YOU BUT YOU IGNORE.... HAVE OTHER FRIENDS IGNORE ME .... GOOD FOR YOU..... HAPPY FOR YOU LA......

Mindset

Mindset

Revenge

I recently see a hong kong movie ... Instead of seeing how sushi is made, I learn that revenge is a scary thing

I just learned that no point I want to revenge after see the movie.... Some people want to revenge sometimes even need to scarify all they love and want ....I think need to give off the anger that cause nearly cause me walk into wrong path.... The revenge really cost me lost lots of fun and friend even my own good self.... I need to put down now

The effort

Why i should bother a person since she do not even bother it ? I try so hard to maintain the friendship that we had before ... Try to speak to her ... Try to ask her some stuff... Every time just get ignored or answer like dun like to reply.... I try to hard to maintain this friendship too hard until I am tired and dun know what to...

Wat am I to her also.. Since she had so many friends, wat i am to her a dust or just a small sand... People had talked bad about her , i tried to protect her cause i know she not bad as i think...

I AM SO TIRED TO KEEP IT ADI.....

The tired month

This month is the most tired month that i ever had in my life.. the due date of assignment for cpp, exam, result , busy with the CNY stuff... Lots of thing need to be done but only little time that we had....

In this busy month, I had learn some thing .. However busy and frustrated i am but i had find the peace, joy and love in my heart that i lost for so long ... I had put the wrong priority in my life before and now try to readjust it... Lord Jesus had said come to me and you will find peace in me... share the burden with Jesus , He will carry together with you.... Life is not easy... but when i in the present of God, I will everyday fill with energy... I just pray to Lord let me burn for Him and change some of my attitude and ways of speaking .. May all of my action glorify the Lord name... Sorry I not know the scription are but i only know the meaning ....

Not realized that the end of uni life will be over soon in 4 or 5 months .. Lots of things had happen in the this 4 years ... I know that we all will be away and not see each other adi....

I really hope that i can appreciate the uni life as long as i can ... I also dun know how to enjoy it since it is a stressful month for us....I hope I really can spend the last fews months in UK with all my friends .... The one thing that i sure I never regret in life is knowing a group of friends who always on my side no matter in what situation I in.... I always see some last time photos and laugh when seeing some photo.... I can say that

This song on facebook speak some of my feeling... I am too naive... I think it is time to let go and dun so stubborn... Lots of thing wait me to do.... I think it is difficult to do it but I believe I can do it this time .... The feeling not fade in a second it need time to be fade out. It might take weeks or months to fade.... It is hard and difficult for me to do it.. I think I can do JIA YOU ba...

The Lie

I also dun know why i had the feeling of putting this post on.....

I had tell lots of lie in my life esp the person i had with,the money i had who am i and etc

Actually I had one girlfriend before instead of three or four .... I also not good in fighting and never involve in fighting before. Why i need to boost about the bad thing of me if i actually dun have ... The fighting and other... Why i want to show the untruth of me or the bad side of me if i actually i can show the good side of me.... Is it that i want to boost the bad side of me and let other people hate me or what .. I also dun know....

The bible had told me that it is not good to lie ..... Why i want to lie about something in my life ? To get people attention or to show off my bad side.... I had think this issue for fews days... I really want to start to be myself again or be the bad guy.... I afraid no people around me know actually know the truth of me may be few... Only the secondary friend know how i behave and who i am.... Dun know la.. Anyone who read it can give me some explaination and reason .... haize .. Feel like relief after wrote it down

Left out

Some thing had happened i was always been left out ... I used closed to them but now i might just a puppet for them.... I dun know wat they think i also lazy to know what they think... some thing had happen they dun want to forgive is their problem .. I think they all do not appreciate wat i had done to them .... The person who do not appreciate wat you done to them just dun care.... Everytime had event or thing happen where i got place into it.... everytime i just muka tebal to ask them to join them.... Some person allow other people to see thier blog but not me and lied to me that no people access about it ... dun think i dun know i just pretend i dun know about it .... i not stupid just pretend to be stupid if my birthday you or you all dun want to come just dun come ... chat with you.. you just like dun want to layan me ask 10 Qs u just reply one ... i dun want to reply then just say it out WTF ...

Chinese New Year

The 1st time celebrate chinese new year at foreign country ... Miss the environment of chinese new year in my hometown.. Miss the food and miss alot ... The care and the love from family and friend esp secondary friends... Everytime look at them in the past, always say hiaze sian see you again... Go back home always hear parent said dun do this and dun do that .. Now at foriegn country want to eat homecook foood also cannot can speak longer with them also cannot... Every thing had taken away from us , we only start appreciate it .... Love and care other while other still care and love you.. Talk to them while they still can talk to you...
After few months at here, I changed a lots and learn a lot of stuff... Sometimes silence is a good way to avoid something to happen.... A person i know used to be the best friend now not talk to much even want to joke with her i dun think have the chance gua.... espcially after the incident of her knowing that i love her .. Still the same thing i know i do not match with her if she choose me as her other half i think iit is my honour to be choosen by her...

The thing you want to do....

When your headache was diagnosed by doctor, there were no result indicate any change in your blood test and other test.. What will you do... and doctor tell you there were only two properlity which were either i had to do other test whic　needed paid by myself or i had cancer I was shocked when I received this news… I had thought of these two adi….. I just did not want to hear it too early… Since I had receive this news, I decided to live by making people around me happy…. Everyone happy I also happy… I had listen to David Teo “ Wang Ba Dan”…. I had decided to change the lyric and meaning of the song…. Let build the happiness on other people , I always love to do it and fell happy when people happy…. We become the blessing to other ….SO we can become happy

The song .....

I hear one song recently .... The name of the song is胡夏 - 愛 都是對的

The song was so touch that I nearly cry while listening to it. Love always correct and there is no wrong about it. When we love a person, we eve know the answer was no from other parter. We still continue and love her/him..... Even we know that at the end, we will separate apart, We will go each place than our loved one ..... We still choose to love him or her not matter the cost that needed to be paid. I also acknowledge that a person who do not love other do not have the right to love other people. I was partially agree it... I had saw my friend learn to love herself after she meet a boyfriend.....

The interesting thing i see on facebook.......

1.你敢不敢在她发脾气骂你滚开时候紧紧的抱住她？

2.你敢不敢为她努力，把自己变的成熟稳重优秀，然后一如既往的爱她？

3.你敢不敢有点儿长性，别得到了就不珍惜，若即若离你才得劲儿？

4.你敢不敢经常抱抱她亲亲她，让她觉得她在你眼里总是可爱，觉得你一直喜欢她需要她？

5.你能不能记住你们的每一个纪念日，记住今天是在一起的第几天？

6.你能不能在她无理取闹胡思乱想的时候，给她足够的安全感，不会对她不耐烦？

7.你能不能时刻都牵着她的手，无论是过马路逛公园，或是在朋友师长面前？

8.你能不能细心的记住她说的话，留意她喜欢的东西，保管她送你的礼物？

9.你能不能不欺骗她，不冷落她，不忽略她？

10.你能不能为她24小时开机，在她做噩梦的晚上有人可以哄她睡觉？

11.你能不能不只把她当花瓶，有心事会对她说，有决定也会找她商量？

12.你能不能不再大手大脚，只为了攒下钱带她去吃好吃的，去想去的地方？

13.你会不会在争吵后主动道歉，哪怕她错，你也不忍心责怪？

14.你会不会打心底认为她是天底下最好的女孩，一旦拥有别无所求？

15.你会不会在她生病时领她去打针，然后看她害怕的憋红的眼睛，紧紧的抓住她的手抱着她？

16.你会不会‘不小心’就记得她爱吃的、她不爱吃的，她对什么过敏她害怕什么虫子？

17.你会不会带她去看新上映的电影，在她手里塞上一个冰激凌，然后她笑你笑，她哭你哄？

你敢在公众面前说“我爱你”吗?

你敢在FB/MSN个人签名档里写“我爱你”吗?

你敢在给所有人看的博客里留下你给她的情书吗?

你会在她哭泣的时候抱着她吗?

你会在谈起你们的未来时信心十足的样子吗?

你会给她写谁也看不懂只有她懂的温柔句子吗?

你会温柔的叫她宝宝吗?

你会在她看到某个东西不舍的眼光时想到偷偷买下它,送给她吗?

你会为了她偷偷的去挣一点钱,只是为了给她买一份礼物吗?

你会坚定的爱她吗?

如果可以，这样就好。。 Is the man really will not do it or shy to do it... For me i dare to do some of it ....

The chat that i had with my 2ndary friend part II

The chat that i had before late post one is about the wat attitude will a guy or girl will carry out in front of him or her boyfriend and girlfriend....

The chat we had is the longest that we ever had.... One of my friend who is a girl... She say that she do not even know he boy friend attitude until they marry.... the girl is a secret.... She does not know her boyfriend had a bad temper that she does not know even they stay together for a long time but only discover when they marry...

When i was asked, wat will i show in front of girl i love.. I will say that i will only show my bad side in front of her and start debate... I said that good side easily accepted by other person than bad side... People used to do it to cover the bad side of them until their other half discovered it later...

But we all debate until dun know ...... All decide depend on individual... For me... I prefer see the bad side of other half than know later... good side easily to accept but the bad side is difficult one..... try to love other from their bad side this is learn from bible one......

The chat that i had with my 2ndary friend

This afternoon i had a chat with my secondary friends about related to my problems.... I had posted it before went out just now...

I told them the problem i had... One of the advices i had is that i really love or like her? They told me that there are difference between love and like.. They also told me that how do i like a person if i cannot love myself 1st... This Qs had let me think twice before telling them.... The feedback that i had is that they do not doubt that I can provide everything to a girl even the protection and every promise that i kept before.... but the answer i had is that i need to know how to take care myself before can carry out these promise and protection to her.... If not all will become zero at the end and none promise kept....

I finally realise that the problem is on me all time.... The selfishness ,stubborn and bad attitude that i had will cause people away from me....
The second thing that we discuss was the unfair that i had and i had complain it for so long.... I should put it down now... continue with my future waiting for me..... Thanks so much....

The emo.......

Lots of people see the changes from a person who i think quiet happy or kai lang to an emo person.. I had lots of problem since i entered the uni and before enter uni....

The headache that i had is getting worst ever year... the pain is not what i can tahan one.... the pain is like the needle that put into the head and pull it out.... It cannot be taken away just by taking medication.... The pain i can cover it up and dun let other know but the feeling towards the pain i cannot cover it up

The second thing that i always worry is about my grandfather... The person who love me the most since i was young.. everything always think about me.. Since he got stoke and cancer, i never worry how long my grandfather will live.. I hope he can continue survive each days and year ... My heart always think about him even i in uk or in holiday... The things that i always remind in heart....

I know these are not the excuse that i cannot use to say i am emo or other .... But this is the true fact that i faced in my life....

The changes .....

Now days lots of things had changed. I dun know is that i had change or people around me had changed... I dun know why that every people that i knew had changed attitude towards me ....

The friends that i know also change towards me.. I always hope that i think to much ... but in the reality is not true.... i hope .... the girl that i know from sem 1 until now....The friendship that we had changed a lots since come to uk..... From a close friend change to friend .... may be one day change to stranger to.... This may because lots people know the feeling that i had to her and the attitude ..... the thing had in berlin..... everything had change..... I dun know how ... Just let it go and pretend nothing happen.... haize..... Dun know how......